3 Divas and a Dude
by MasterpieceBlaine
Summary: Now that Santana has moved to NYC, that apartment is getting a bit full, and pretty crazy. But what can you expect when you have 3 such big personalities all living in one loft, and the poor guy who has to learn to live with it? Canon up to episode 4.13 "Diva"
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Glee. If I did, Blaine would already be living in this apartment and he and Kurt would not be on the outs.

**A/N:** So Episode 4.13 "Diva" got me thinking about what life is really going to be like with Kurt, Rachel, Brody AND Santana all living in one loft. Honestly, someone is bound to start crying on a daily basis, and I have a feeling it's going to be Brody. Poor guy has no real hope of taking on 3 divas.

**A/N 2: **Also, I will be taking prompts for ideas you want to see. And I apologize in advance if I don't do Santana justice. Girl is too fierce for me to represent with any kind of accuracy.

Santana stretched on the cot bed Kurt had set out for her. She'd need to do some shopping today to get some bedroom furniture of her own, as well as a divider. She glanced at the time on her phone – 10:30 am. Kurt and Rachel had already left for school, and Santana felt comfortable enough to run around in her pajamas for a bit. She padded barefoot over to the kitchen to make herself some coffee, and heard the bathroom door open. Steam poured out of the room as Rachel's new boy toy came out in his birthday suit, toweling off his hair.

Santana quirked an eyebrow and cleared her throat. Brody stared at her slack-jawed for a moment, having forgotten/ignored Rachel telling him last night of the Latina moving in. Finally Santana decided to move things along a bit. She still needed her coffee after all.

"Put it away Magic Mike. There's no one here interested in your floor show."

"Uh," Brody started dumbly, wrapping the towel around his waist. "Sorry about that. I didn't think anyone was still here." He cleared his throat as Santana promptly ignored him and went back to fixing up her coffee. She didn't even deign to respond.

After several more minutes of silence between them, as Santana's coffee brewed and Santana hunted down a coffee mug, Brody felt more and more awkward about the quiet tension in the room. "I hope you aren't uncomfortable with me going around like this," he finally stated. "I like to relax at home."

Santana gave a long suffering sigh and finally turned back to Brody, leaning back on the counter and giving him a very clear once-over. "Listen Tiny Tim, I don't particularly **_care_**if you want to free ball all over the apartment, hoping that the Gays will notice you, but – and I know I speak for both Kurt and I when I say this – You. Are Not. All That. So keep your sad, naked ass off _my stuff_ and we'll get along just fine." With that, Santana went to her bag, grabbed some clothes, and stepped into the now steam-free bathroom. "And don't drink my coffee." She finished, shutting the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Glee. If I did, Blaine would have weekly trips to NYC so that he could sing love songs to Kurt out on the fireplace.

Kurt was prepping dinner when Rachel and Brody came in from their run to the Bodega for groceries. He glanced at them and smiled at Rachel. "Is it snowing hard _again_?" Kurt asked incredulously as he stirred the lamb stew he was making.

"Turning into a real storm out there," Brody replied, helping Rachel out of her coat after setting the grocery bags on the table.

"_Great,_" Kurt groused, moving to look out the window. " I was hoping Adam could stop by tonight. I guess that's out."

"_Oooh_, and how are things going with Adam?" Rachel asked excitedly.

Kurt shrugged and started to answer when he heard a crinkling noise and he smirked, moving back to the stove to tend to his stew.

"Umm, Kurt? Why is there a plastic cushion on my chair?" Brody asked as he got back up from the seat to stare at the odd addition.

"Hmm?" Kurt asked innocently. "Oh that. Well, Santana told me how you have continued to swan around in the buff, and it got me to wondering where else you may have sat in the apartment while naked. I didn't much care for that thought, so she volunteered to get that child's cushion – you know, for protection against accidents – for your seat."

Rachel sputtered while Brody turned red with embarrassment. Kurt continued, "I'll also have to ask you to keep your ongoing compulsion with nudity off my couch and out of the kitchen. We prep our food here – and it's not sanitary."

"Kurt! I don't have a compulsion with nudity!"

"Yes you do," Santana countered as she stepped in from the fire escape, where she had been explaining to her mother about her recent move and her plans for the future. "You should probably get some help for that."

Kurt gestured to her, as if to say _You See?_ And pulled out bowls to serve up dinner.

"Lady Hummel, serve me up some of that, will ya?" Santana asked as she shucked off her jacket.

"You got it, Satan," Kurt replied absentmindedly as he fired off a text to Adam telling him not to bother coming over for the evening.

While Brody and Rachel moved off to her bedroom, him complaining quietly about how Kurt and Santana had started ganging up on him, Kurt turned to Santana and winked. She simply smiled and sat at the new chair he had acquired for her, and they chatted about their planned trip the next day to get Santana a bedroom set of her own. It was time to get her settled properly in.


	3. Perfect Harmony

**A/N: Hello again! Posting some more for you to enjoy! I'll post chapter 3 now and chapter 4 tomorrow. I've also started posting on my tumblr ( .com). I am also taking prompts if anyone wants.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them, but I like to think this is what's happening in that NYC apartment that is really the TARDIS in disguise.**

* * *

They were singing. _Again_.

Brody didn't know what he had done to deserve this, but perhaps this was his punishment for moving in with his girlfriend that he had only been dating a few months. He hadn't recognized all aspects of her - and her friends'- Crazy prior to setting up shop in this kick-ass apartment, and now he was paying the price.

He grabbed the second pillow from the bed to hide under and buried himself deeper under the covers, hoping to drown out the noise. It didn't work. It never worked.

It's not like he disliked listening to them sing. The three divas all had AMAZING, ASTOUNDING, WONDERFUL voices, full of emotion and depth. They certainly outshone anyone he'd ever met before, as well as many of the musicians and bands he heard on Broadway or on the radio.

It's just. This horrible, clashing N-O-I-S-E! Almost **every morning**!

"Aaaargh!" Brody growled as he tossed the pillows and blankets aside and got up.

Why couldn't they, every once in a while just to mix things up, try taking out their respective headphones and singing the _same song_ at the_same time_? Was that too much to ask?


	4. Another Day in Paradise

**A/N: Just a reminder, I've also started posting on my tumblr ( .com). I am also taking prompts there or here if anyone wants to see any shenanigans.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them, but I like to think this is what's happening in that NYC apartment that is really bigger than it looks, like the Weasley's car.**

* * *

Brody came home to the sound of shouting. It had become a more common occurrence since Santana moved in, but he was no stranger to Kurt's ire, so he just sighed and tried to draw as little attention as possible. Sadly the door wasn't exactly quiet, and he knew they had all seen him even before he turned back around to face the room.

"Listen here, Hobbit. I didn't move all the way to New York from ass-backwards Kentucky so that I'd have to deal with **_this_**. I saw enough of it in the dorms and I won't **have it** in my apartment!" Santana was holding up a pair of Brody's underwear (which he could neither confirm nor deny he left on the bathroom floor after his morning shower) with a kitchen utensil and waving them in Rachel's face. Brody didn't know whether to laugh or be disgusted.

Kurt didn't seem to face that dilemma. "Satan, are those my salad tongs? Well, we can never use _those_ again! **Thanks a lot!**" He stormed over to his room and out onto the fire escape, giving Brody a _Look_ as he passed that could have easily set the drapes on fire as he went. No doubt he was calling Blaine to bitch about his "horrible roommates" again.

More yelling was still happening outside the bathroom, but Brody had successfully managed to temporarily block it out when Santana threw the underwear in Rachel's face (and he was amazed the shriek _that_ caused didn't shatter the windows) and grabbed her coat. She was muttering about getting to work on time - and some more colorful Spanish phrases that made him very glad he took French in high school - as she left the loft.

Brody finally dared to turn to Rachel, who had successfully shaken herself free of the offending garment and given a full body shudder. She turned her head and her boyfriend swore he had once seen a similar wild-eyed look in an exorcism movie.

"Honey, I'm home?"


End file.
